Scar Tissue

It always seems to take me by total surprise...the RRRIIIPP that occurs when a band aid is removed from old wounds.

It seems to come out of the blue really.  A comment from a friend.  A question from a relative.  Or maybe even a statement made by a total stranger.

But along with the revealing comes pain.  That is always the same.

A couple of weeks back, my sister ripped off the bandage from a very old wound with a question that took my breath away.  I couldn't even form a response for several moments...it seemed like an eternity at the time.

I was stunned...and surprised...because I thought I had found healing in that area.  It sent me reeling, begging the Father to reveal the truth to me. 

I struggled for almost two weeks...wrestling over the reason for the intense pain. 

And then on Thursday night, as my mind was overwhelmed with the pain and my body couldn't find sleep; I felt an answer come in the wellspring of my heart.  "It is true that some of this pain is from a deep wounding that hasn't completely healed, but most of it is now a scar.  Just as I still bear the scars of the cross, you still bear the scars of this."

I soon feel asleep as I thanked the Lord for His willingness to bear the scars of Golgotha for me and as I asked Him to bring deep healing to the wounds as only He can.

Then on Friday morning, as I read through the day's Scriptures, I came across this:
"(Jesus)...healed their diseased bodies, healed their hurt and bruised lives."  Matthew 9 from the Message

I felt the Lord telling me that not only do the open wounds hurt when they are uncovered, but sometimes when we stare at our scars...all we can see is the ugliness and remember the pain that caused them.  That was what I had been doing since my sister's question.  I had been staring at the scars and feeling again the pain that accompanied them. 

And then I read this quote from a friend's Facebook page:
Never be ashamed of the scars that life has left you with.  A scar means the hurt is over, the wound is closed, you endured the pain, and God has healed you.

As I allowed my eyes to take in the whole picture, the ragged edges of the scar became less noticeable and I was reminded that the scar was not only a testimony to the goodness of God, but also was part of what made me into the person that I am today.

Do I wish this wounding had never happened?  You bet!  But this is where I have to choose to walk by faith and not by sight.  Trusting that this wounding hurt Him as much as it did me...and that He is able to redeem it and make it (and me) into something beautiful indeed!

 I've edited this post to include Michelle's "Hear It On Sunday.  Use It On Monday" link.  Visit her webpage to see what other's around the blogosphere are sharing.

No More Excuses

"If it matters, you make the time.

If it doesn't, you make excuses."

Ann Voskamp @ A Holy Experience

I read those words from Ann's blog just a few days before heading off to northeast Arkansas for Christmas with the larger Goode family.  I was still in holiday mode though, with no real goals or ideas for the New Year in mind. 

And yet, they continued to twirl and whirl through my thoughts. 

I didn't even have to try to memorize the quote, it just stuck.  Something deep within grabbed hold of it and wouldn't let it go.

After spending the New Year's weekend with Jim's family, we headed back to Texas where we had a few days to get ready for my mom's visit.  Another Christmas celebration and a Cotton Bowl Watch Party later, and it was time to say goodbye.

So, in total, I have had about six days so far to think about my goals for 2012.  We have several BIG events that will crowd my calendar this fall...someone turns 50, a new grand baby should be arriving the next day and that's just the beginning!

Outside of those long range plans, the following are the things that I want to make time for in 2012:

• Read through the Bible in a year - My friend, August, brought this one to the forefront for me when she set up a closed group on Facebook to help encourage each other in this area. 
• Exercise 30 minutes a day - I'm not there yet, but it is on my To-Do list every day and I managed more days than not last week.  Unfortunately, it has been the total opposite this week! 
• Weekly Meal Plans - This is a time consuming job that I don't necessarily like...BUT it saves me so much time during the week to already know what's for dinner.  And the stress it relieves is worth the time and frustration I feel at the time.  The only meals I plan are breakfast and supper.  For breakfast, I choose two things that I can switch out every other day.  For supper, I look at our calendar to see how many nights we are home.  I then plan that many meals minus one...because I know we are going to either have a night out OR have left overs at least once a week.
• Eat breakfast every morning - Like exercise, I'm not there yet...but I'm doing much better since I took the early morning guess work out of it.
• Spend more time with the grandchildren - My ideal would be to spend time with one grandchild on an individual basis every month with at least three group outings spread out through the year.  I know that doesn't seem like a lot of time, but remember that I still have children at home too.  Of course, this doesn't include family gatherings or holidays.
• Remember to count my blessing - I know it sounds rather lame, but for now that item is actually on my To Do List!  I know that it should be easy to count 1,000 gifts...but I have neglected the discipline of taking the time to notice and record His Grace Gifts to me.  My goal right now is to record at least one a day. By December 31, 2012 I want to at least have 365 entries. 

There are several more items that I am trying to do 'most' days...from the boring things like setting up the coffee pot before I go to bed (boring but oh, so appreciated on a cold morning!) to the wise things like taking my vitamins (which I have always been terrible about doing). 

I know, I should probably take it slower and only add one thing at a time.  But I have given myself the space to focus on one thing (right now it is the morning Scripture reading) while keeping the other important matters on my mind.  Even in the Scripture reading, I missed most of the first week.  But it is excellence that I am striving for, not perfection.

How about you.  Have you made any changes for 2012?  Goals?  Resolutions?  A game plan?  I would love to hear all about it!

(I hope to be able to share more of this journey with you soon.  We had very heavy rains here last week and it did a number on our home Internet.  Don't get me wrong, I would rather have the rain than Internet these days...but, it is hard to post during my lunch break at work as we are, thankfully, busy again.)

"Tis The Season

I bet you thought I was never coming back, didn't you?

Well, to be honest, I was beginning to wonder myself.

Not that I didn't want to drop in and tell you all about our holidays...but because I just haven't been able to find the time.

You see, we just finished our last family 'Christmas' gathering.

After posting all those holiday pictures, we headed to northeast Arkansas to spend some time with Jim's family. We ate, opened presents, watched some football, ate some more, played games, watched more football. It was a short trip, but we enjoyed the time with his parents and his brother's family. We rang in the New Year with a very competitive game of Catchphrase and still managed to make it to church later that morning. Good thing there was no Sunday School or I would have been yawning! We made it home Monday night just in time to watch Oklahoma State play in the Fiesta Bowl.

Then my mom drove in on Thursday evening, we had the three grandchildren all day Friday (actually Bri did, but at our house), we opened gifts with Mother that evening and then watched the Cotton Bowl. She and Bri helped me with a home improvement project on Saturday before we sat down to watch the Houston Texans in their first ever playoff game. I didn't get to see much of it as Mother wanted to go out to visit Desi's grave site. We made it home in time for warmed up Sausage Kale Soup and (you guessed it) another football game - New Orleans vs. Detroit. She left after breakfast this morning and should be arriving home soon.

Well, I had planned to share a few things with you that have been on my heart and mind this holiday season...but I think I've probably overstayed my welcome already today...so, I will see you in another day or so!

Hope your 2012 is filled with Blessings and Joy!