No Excuse Offered

I don't know why, but this has been a very difficult post to begin. Maybe it is the 'transparency' issue and laying it all out there. For some reason I am able to write it in my head but when I sit down to the computer screen, I just sit and stare and struggle for words.

Here's the situation...I have not been to church since the first of October. (With the exception of Baby Dedication in December.) For some people this may be no big deal...for others, they may wonder how on earth I have survived this long. I lean toward the latter group. I can give you a million and one excuses...but as George Washington is quoted as saying, "It is better to offer no excuse than a bad one." (I wish I could remember my friend Laura's definition of an excuse...it is priceless!)

As a result of this lack of spiritual nourishment, I have become very dry of soul and spirit. Just before the new year, I went into a local bookstore and picked up a devotional book that has readings for 365 days (366 during leap year) to get my toes back in the water of the Word. Last week, while picking up a few last minute gifts, I splurged and bought a new Bible study to do at home. Yet there was still a 'check in my spirit'.

Yesterday, as I was working, I realized the date was also the start of a popular Bible study here in the Houston area. I talked with Jim about whether or not I should attend, as this will affect a couple of Brian's basketball games. He encouraged me to go and even told me that he and the kids could handle dinner every Tuesday night. So, I went. It took me an hour and a half to get in the parking lot due to all the traffic on our always under construction I-10...but I went. I admit, when I found myself stranded in a turn only lane for the second time, I almost went home. I even called Jim to tell him that the traffic was just too much. He reminded me that sometimes it takes perseverance. (Don't you just love it when the Lord uses your spouse to speak truth to you?)

The thing is, all through last night's study I found myself asking the question, 'Am I supposed to be here?' It is difficult being in a sanctuary full of other women and feeling all alone. So many attend with their best friend or with a group from church. I have done both in the past, yet this time I sat alone. During praise and worship (usually my favorite time), I only recognized one song and I was still tyring to de-stress from the traffic while the rest of the crowd sang it. The speaker is a truly gifted servant of God. I know many people have traveled far and wide to hear her speak for two days or less, myself included. Yet, there I sat still seeking the answer to my question. As I drove home last night, I asked the Lord to give me clear direction. You see, I don't know how well I pick up on the still, small voice when I have been out of the Word for so long.

I looked online for local churches that might have an evening women's Bible study thinking that maybe I need to find connection closer to home first. Nothing to be found. I popped in a new Mercy Me CD on the way to work this morning. Talk about theme music for the study -- it certainly seems to fit. It dawned on me, that even if I took the 'wrong' Bible study...it is still the Word of God and will not return to Him void. So, I am pressing on. Please, pray for me!