Little do I know now what winding roads still await me in 2014...perhaps beyond.
While I recognized from the beginning that it was a 'scary' word, --a 'vulnerable' word, --perhaps even an 'impossible' word; I was still looking at it through rose-colored glasses.
I imagined being better able to embrace a healthy lifestyle because I was 'wholeheartedly' committed to my health. I would spend more time soaking in the simple beauties that surround me because I was 'wholeheartedly' content. I dreamed of being able to walk into any social setting secure in my worth because I was 'wholeheartedly' being the Fonda that God created me to be.
I worked at assigning each of Brene Brown's ten guideposts from the book "The Gifts of Imperfection" their own month to be my focus. (I figured there would be a few that may need more than a month's worth of focus.)
I ordered a custom made bracelet to wear as a reminder. I researched other possible texts that might prove useful during the year to come. I outlined and prepared. Little did I know that the Lord was even busier at His work of preparing my heart.
I should have guessed it when I wiped clean Ann Spangler's quote defining 'Shalom' from my kitchen chalkboard and replaced it with this....
You see, even though I am 'scheduled' to be "Cultivating Authenticity" (according to my plans), the Lord has been revealing my lack of WHOLEness in heart.
He has revealed dead places -- areas where I need the God of creation to breathe new life into me.
He has revealed empty spaces -- areas where I need the Holy Spirit to come and fill me with His presence.
He has revealed heart wounds that remain infected -- areas where I need the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ to wash me clean and replace the decay with healing.
He has revealed to me that I cannot begin LIVING wholehearted until He has transformed me into BEING wholehearted.
Perhaps that is why a quote from Margaret Feinberg's audio-book, "Wonderstruck", grabbed me during my daily commute. It took my breath so soundly that I didn't just jot it down on a scrap of paper, but I looked it up later to make sure that I had recorded it correctly. It captivated my mind so wondrously that I felt compelled to inscribe a part of it on a snowy backdrop to share with you here on the blog.
|So much symbolism of where I am right now!|
And I created this picture BEFORE I realized any of it.
This is my heart's cry right now. Yes, I want to live Wholehearted in 2014...in every area of my life. But even more...right now, I want to BE WHOLEhearted. Fully alive. Filled with Him. Healthy in heart. Able to honestly sing at the top of my lungs, "If ever I loved Thee; My Jesus, 'tis now."!