Totally Random Musings

It's been over a week since I logged on to share.  We've been fighting illnesses again.  I was down last week, finally feeling a little better by Sunday evening.  But then Jim started feeling bad on Sunday afternoon.  He's still home with a low grade fever and just overall tired feeling.  If you think of him in the next few days, please say a little prayer for his healing.  He has been running on fumes for months and I think it has all just caught up with him.

I was wondering what to post today, even whether to post today, and then I remembered a 'note' I started on my phone last week of just random quotes and things that piqued my interest.  I thought I would share some of those here in this space.

We were talking around the dinner table last weekend about shopping at Big Box Stores and which were our favorites.  We were specifically talking about our preferences for Lowe's or Home Depot.  Jim and I both prefer Lowe's.  Derrick and Josh both looked at us baffled and said they preferred Home Depot.  On Monday I saw an online article titled "When Do You Outgrow IKEA?"  On a whim, I clicked over to read it.  One reason is that Jim and I just replaced our Ikea bedroom (purchased in 2007) with a 'real bed' from Rooms To Go.  In that article they reported the peak customer age for several Big Box Stores including Home Depot (age 48) and Lowe's (age 54).  Now we know why they prefer the one we stay out of if at all possible!    It was an interesting read, and I found that Jim and I should have bought our bedroom suit from Ashley Furniture (age 54) instead of Rooms to Go (age 47).  Wait, I'm not 54 yet so we are still good!  [By the way, we were way past the IKEA age of 24 when we purchased our last bedroom set -- but I attribute it to the fact that we were also buying three other beds for the kids rooms.]

Kelli, Matt, Bri, Josh and their families came over last Friday to celebrate the February birthdays.  This birthday boy turned 8 the next day.

Maddux enjoying the last bite of his mostly melted by then ice cream cake! Silly boy!

Kelli brought Meagan a delicious 'no added sugar' strawberry cheesecake.  Yum. 

I heard an interesting little 'blurb' on the Happier podcast (#103) last week that perked up my ears and made me think.  Mostly because I am highly susceptible to this in my own life.  They were answering a question from a listener who wanted to know how to avoid the pang she feels when she is around babies or pregnant women while she is battling fertility issues.  One of them referred to the 'compare and despair cycle.'  This struck a chord with me as I realized that so often my comparing myself to others really does lead me to despair.  Yes, I sometimes compare to feel better about myself (not proud of that admission, just keeping it real) but 85% of the time it is a comparison that I am going to lose.  There are always people who are better at things than I am.  I especially struggle with women who are thinner than I am, who are better educated, who are better at keeping a home/decorating/making meals than I am, or who never seem to struggle with keeping balance in their lives like I do.  Compare & despair are certainly a cycle with me.  Now that it's been named, I need the Lord to do some healing in this area. 

I was catching up on podcasts last week and came across this quote from Revive Our Hearts dated January 25.  Karen Loritts shared this while talking about forgiveness among girlfriends.  "Forgiveness takes one, reconciliation takes two."  I often have people ask me how they can forgive and let others back into their lives after some real hurts.  This was such a succinct way of remembering that there is a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation.  We are commanded to forgive.  Believe me, I've struggled with this often in my life but the truth is that Jesus commands it (Luke 17, Mark 11 and others).  And yes, 'as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.' (Romans 12:18)  But sometimes it doesn't just depend on us.  We can forgive, but the reconciliation doesn't always come.

In light of a New Members Class that I'm involved in, I saw a short poem on Pinterest that led me to investigate whether or not it is true that a group of alligators is called a congregation.  It was!  I find it kind of funny in light of that class which we will repeat once a quarter.  I may use this for our opening session in April as an icebreaker.  "A congregation of alligators - a congregation refers to a group of alligators, where the smaller alligators are compliant to the biggest, most dominant alligator."  That just makes me smile a little bit.

And finally, just a sweet reminder from another Revive Our Hearts podcast:
We, as women, need heart connections. 
I need you.  I enjoy hearing from you.  I am thankful for your friendships.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings today!

Wish You Were Here

I woke up this morning feeling:

Sad
Heavy
Regretful
Disappointed
Overwhelmed

Today would have been my Daddy's 71st birthday.  

I miss him.

I grieve the loss of him in my life.

I wish that I had done things differently - like call him more often or make a big deal of his birthdays.

I regret that it has been months since I spoke with Donna and Cecily.

I am disappointed in myself.

I feel overwhelmed by all the happenings around me.

But as I sat down with my Bible and prayer journal, I was reminded that:

God is still on His throne.
Jesus' yoke is easy and His burden is light.
I am forgiven.
God is good...all the time.
The Holy Spirit never leaves me alone.
Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever.

Amen!

Throwback Thursday #9...A Little Late

Admit it. You were beginning to get a little worried that we had fallen off the face of the earth again, weren't you?

I have missed the last two Thursdays and truth be told, the week before that had been loaded and scheduled a week earlier.

We are in the midst of transition. Mom has been dealing with some pretty serious health issues since last December. She had undergone a routine procedure to clean out some scar tissue in her shoulder that was causing her some pain and discomfort. The procedure went well -- but she did not recover as she should have. One thing led to another and then another until late April when Rosa and I were called and told that she was on her way to the hospital for the fifth time in as many months.

As a result of all of the illnesses and inability to get around, Mom had little strength left. After her latest hospital stay she had to spend some time in a rehabilitation facility in Little Rock. While in Florida for Naiz's wedding we received word that she would be released in early June and that we had to make arrangements by June 4.

And so it was that I found myself driving the eight hours to Little Rock last Wednesday and moving her into an Assisted Living facility in Monticello on Thursday.

The place is wonderful...just a year old and feels very homey. The staff there is extraordinary. And Mom seems to be happy with the decision. But, oh the emotions! We will just leave it at that.

While picking up some of Mom's personal things from her home this weekend, I came across this photo:

I'm not sure what grade it was...probably somewhere around 4th, 5th or 6th grade.  When I look at that photo I see a combination of my dad and my boys.  That is definitely where Brian gets his smile!

When I posted this photo on Facebook several of my friends commented on my penchant for accessorizing even then.  I have never really thought about it...but I do still like my chunky necklaces!  See!

Accessorizing at work today!

How are you?

Are you facing any transitions in your own life right now?

Noticing any similarities between your preteen and current self?

I would love to hear all about it!

35 Years and We Are Still Hanging On (To Each Other)

May 30, 1981: Our first day as husband and wife.

The years have brought us joy and tears, happiness and loss, bright days and dark nights.  But by the grace of God, through it all we have had one another!

May 21, 2016: He still rocks my world!

"May the only thing that grows old in our marriage be the two of us!"

15 years to Golden!  Say what???????

I Had A Dream

I had a dream in the early morning hours after a long restless night.

I dreamed that I was in a mansion with a gracious couple as my hosts.  They were kind and warm as they showed me through the rooms of a beautiful and elegant home.  As we strolled the corridors and talked in friendly banter, I was shown into a stately library with rich wood shelves loaded with books.  It was here that they bid me farewell and left me to make myself at home while they took care of some errand.  I remember feeling comfortable and folding myself into a large armchair with a book. 

As I was reading, I noticed movement at the doorway. I looked up to see you walking in.  You were dressed head to toe in camouflage, a shotgun resting in your right arm and two or three turkeys thrown over your left shoulder.  You had a smile as big as Texas on your face...so they must have been Rio's with 16" beards.

I remember feeling so surprised...so happy to see you.  I jumped to my feet and ran to you for a hug.  I could see the smile on my face matched your own.  Just as I closed the last few steps of the space between us and I was asking how you were doing, Rosa appeared at my side and we asked the question in unison...though we could see from your smile and your body language that you were doing great.

And then I awoke.

And I remembered that you are not here.

I tried to make myself sleep again, to return to that room with you just a moment more.

In that semi-daze I imagined us asking you a million questions at once, but you never opened your mouth to answer.

Jim's phone began it's early morning jangling...and I couldn't return to slumber.

I had a dream. 

A very vivid dream.

And now I miss you, Daddy, even more.

A Gift To Myself

I have become a huge fan of podcasts in the past year and a half or so.  It began with me subscribing to the Revive Our Hearts podcasts so that I wouldn't miss out on Nancy's daily teachings and then expanded to include Happier with Gretchen Rubin and Rainer on Leadership with Thom Rainer.  A few others came and went in that time, but these three have remained the same. {Note: all links go to the iTunes page for each podcast.}

While reading Gretchen's newsletter last week I stumbled across a list of highly recommended podcasts and found a new favorite; What Should I Read Next? with Anne Bogel. The show description is as follows:

What Should I Read Next is the show for every reader who has ever finished a book and faced the problem of not knowing what to read next.  Each week, host Anne Bogel interviews a new person and finds out their tastes.  Then, she makes recommendations about what to read next.

I am still enjoying my Audible subscription, but I have been missing the feel of real books in my hands.  And, though I have plenty of 'To Be Read' books on my shelf, I have been missing the excitement of a good 'New Release' to dive into as a nightly routine. (I have been reading non-fiction before bed but have found that I am too tired to focus on something that serious and I end up abandoning most of them without finishing.) I want my nighttime read to be purely for pleasure. 

Then, one day as I was browsing Anne's blog (Modern Mrs. Darcy), I saw a list of things she is enjoying these days.  One of the items on her short list was -- The Book of the Month Club.  I hit the link in her blog post and voila!  Pure reader happiness!  They have a list of five books to choose from each month. AND, in case you can't possibly choose JUST ONE, you can purchase up to two more New Release hardcover books for $9.99 each. April's choices included two memoirs and three works of fiction (one of each - historical, family and thriller). I knew right away that this was my kind of place. 

So, I joined...and within the week I had a peach colored slip of delight in my mailbox notifying me that my book was waiting for me at the post office.  The very next morning I rushed to the post office to find this:

Even the design of the box makes me happy. 

And behind the packing was this little baby:

Check out this blurb:
The day Aubrey Hamilton’s husband is declared dead by the state of Tennessee should bring closure so she can move on with her life. But Aubrey doesn’t want to move on; she wants Josh back. It’s been five years since he disappeared, since their blissfully happy marriage—they were happy, weren’t they?—screeched to a halt and Aubrey became the prime suspect in his disappearance. Five years of emptiness, solitude, loneliness, questions. Why didn’t Josh show up at his friend’s bachelor party? Was he murdered? Did he run away? And now, all this time later, who is the mysterious yet strangely familiar figure suddenly haunting her new life?

In No One Knows, the New York Times bestselling coauthor of the Nicholas Drummond series expertly peels back the layers of a complex woman who is hiding dark secrets beneath her unassuming exterior. This masterful thriller for fans of Gillian Flynn, Liane Moriarty, and Paula Hawkins will pull readers into a you’ll-never-guess merry-go-round of danger and deception. Round and round and round it goes, where it stops…no one knows.

This is not my normal kind of read, but it sounded like a great premise for a book and I cannot wait to dive in!

And I can hardly wait until next month when I get to choose another book to gift myself!!!

If you would like to subscribe to the Book of the Month Club use promo code READNEXT to get 50% off of a three month subscription.  I subscribed before the code...and I still thought it was a great deal.  But hey, it never hurts to save a little money.

Okay, I'm getting off of here to go read now.  Let me know if you've read anything good lately.

Books In Real Life

I have been listening to a lot of Audiobooks over the past few years.  You could say that I have a become a bit addicted.  To me there is no better way to use my morning and evening commute than learning something new or getting lost in a fictional world for that hour to hour and a half drive.  The only negative I have found to Audiobooks is finding a place for the CD's once I'm done.  Rarely ever would I listen to an Audiobook more than once (Mended by Angie Smith and Wonderstruck by Margaret Feinberg, aside)...and I have accumulated a lot of books on CD.  This is the same issue I have with 'Real' books.  I cannot bear to just toss a book.  And though I offer to pass along anything I have so that someone else can get use from it...I rarely get a taker.  One day I will bite the bullet and take it all to Half Price Books or Waller Area Restoration Ministry's thrift shop.  Until then, I have found a great way to listen to books during my commute without having to figure out where to store it once I'm finished.  Audible!

I actually tried Audible's free trial a few years back, but could never figure out how to use it properly.  After hearing about it on one of my favorite podcasts, I decided to sit down and figure it out once and for all.  And it was so much easier than I had made it!  I am limiting myself to using just my monthly subscription selection until I finish listening to the few books on CD that I had already purchased.  The first of February I listened to Jesus, My Father, The CIA and Me: A Memoir...of Sorts by Ian Morgan Cron (linked to the Audible page on Amazon).  If you remember, I loved his book Chasing Francis: A Pilgrim's Tale back in January (linked to my thoughts).  Though the second one is vastly different from the first, it was still pretty good...and very fitting for me as I listened to it on the way to and from my last visit with my own father.  Thinking back over our own childhood, it is good to be reminded that memories can be deceiving at times.  Just because they are our truth does not mean that they are the whole truth or perhaps even true at all, as our perceptions.can be severely distorted by our childish viewpoints. (That was my big take away from the memoir.)

Anyway...all of that to talk about the book that I listened to last week:

Linked to Audible

Honestly, I chose this book because I wanted to hear more about the author's time living abroad in Turkey.  Tsh and her family are currently on a trip around the world that will last close to a year.  I listen to her podcasts and live vicariously through her adventures...all the while wondering if I could actually travel the world.  A part of me would love to (if only my husband would agree to it)...another part of me is not sure that I am brave enough to do it (which makes me grateful for my homebody hubby). {{But don't tell him that, okay?}}

What I got out of the book instead was a confirmation of the truths that the Lord has been whispering in my heart recently. I should have paid more attention to the subtitle: "The Art of Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World".  If that doesn't resonate with the heart cries to 'slow down' and to be 'refreshed', I don't know what does.  

Well, well, well...ain't that the truth!  I can't tell you how often lately Jim and I have had conversations about where our time is going.  We feel like there is not a moment extra in our lives, yet we say 'no' to good things all of the time in search of the best things.  (He doesn't think we do, but believe me...we do.)

And so it was that the following quote captured my thoughts:

"We weren't living the way we wanted because we weren't making the choices it required. Like so many in our generation of thirty-something parents, we spoke of a slower, more intentional life, but we expected it to just happen.” 
― Tsh Oxenreider, Notes from a Blue Bike: The Art of Living Intentionally in a Chaotic World

We are no longer thirty-something parents.  We are fifty-something grandparents and intentional life is no closer for us now than it was twenty years ago when we lived with the added daily schedules of five children.  This truth began a quite intense conversation between Jim and I.  I don't know if we are any closer to 'making the choices it require(s)', but we are at least asking the questions.  "What does slowing down look like to you?"  "How much activity is too much?"  "Does my activity affect your feeling of going too much?"  "Is it feasible to think that we could really stay home six weekends in a row?" (The magical number I was given as a goal to work toward.)  "Were our parents' schedules really as slow as we remember?" (Or is this one of those things from childhood that our perspective influenced more than reality.)

Though we may not be any closer in making these choices together (we still have a lot of expectations to wade through and sort out), I am trying to live more intentionally in my choices.

I had a conversation with a close friend at the end of 2014 and told her that I would be unable to attend many of the events in 2015 that I had normally said 'yes' to in the past.  It's not that I didn't have fun or want to do those things, but in the end they were not the best way to spend my time with her.  On more than one occasion, she and I had to schedule a dinner date after our night out to catch up because in the hustle and bustle of activity we weren't actually spending time communicating.  I desire depth with my friends, not just activity.  Now, don't get me wrong...I still enjoy traveling with my friends and attending special night's out.  I just don't want those to be the bulk of our time together.

I am also trying to be more intentional about the commitments I make to ministry.  I have missed both of the 2015 Women's Ministry events this year due to last minute scheduling conflicts. (One was the surprise 40th birthday party of our most senior employee.  The other was my Daddy's funeral service.)  Both things took the priority over a fun night out...but I am hoping that I will not have to miss any more because I truly enjoy those events and the opportunity to get to know the women in my community better.  Spiritual fellowship is important to me.  Thankfully, I am in the middle of teaching a Monday Night Ladies Bible Study and through our weekly mealtime I was able to enjoy some fellowship.  I am feeling a pull toward VBS and ministering to the young women, but I am prayerfully considering whether or not that is part of my calling.  I've done the busyness for busyness sake in ministry before and all it leads to is burnout.

I am also trying to make a better effort at staying in touch with family and friends.  At the loss of a parent it hits you that having family to call and visit is not a right but a blessing that not everyone gets to enjoy.  Nor is having so many dear friends that you have to guard your calendar so you don't overdo it.  I am a very lucky girl in that aspect.

Another quote from the book that has me thinking is this:

I've cooked more 'slow food' in the week since listening to this book than I have in months.  I have taken more time to sit at the table and enjoy my food instead of the television dining that had become our routine.  Sometimes Jim joins me and other times he doesn't.  And that is okay.  Just because I feel the pull to slow dining doesn't mean that he has to also (nor does it mean I can never eat in front of the television again).  As my 'busy' quotient and his are different, so are our dining preferences.  I would love to buy more local produce and meats as Tsh encourages in her book, but until I figure out how to do that, we will settle with starting our new garden spot and hope that we have fresh veggies to share again this year.  

I love it when a book affects my 'real life'!  And this book certainly did.  Bonus points for not having to store it or donate it when I was finished!

My One Word for 2015

Refresh

1: to restore strength and animation to: REVIVE

2: to freshen up: RENOVATE

3 a: to restore or maintain by renewing supply: REPLENISH

b: AROUSE, STIMULATE

4: to run water over or restore water to

5: to update or renew (as an image, a display screen, or the contents of a computer memory) especially by sending a new signal.

taken from Merriam-webster.com

This year's One Word didn't come as easily as in years past. I have heard that the longer a person participates in My One Word, the longer the list of potential words can become.

That may be part of the reason for my need to wrestle this year's word out...but then again, I think I was having a harder time with my expectations verses my feelings.  Let me explain.

Jim has been telling me since early last fall that in 2015 he was SLOWING DOWN!  At first, he joked that he wasn't leaving home for anything.  He has since recanted that statement and changed it to: he is not leaving home for anything other than grandchildren's birthdays and our niece's wedding.  We'll see how that turns out for him.

All of that to say that my first inclination was to choose the word: Rest.  But it didn't seem to fit.  I knew that 2015 would includes several trips to Arkansas to see my dad and help Donna when I could.  Add to that the fact that I already have two trips planned for early 2015 (Mardi Gras with Robin, Rita and Lonnie; Jenkins Girls' Weekend in Branson) and REST just didn't fit.

As I considered my calendar, this stage in life and the mission I have for our new home, a new word began to pop up: Respite.  That is truly what I want our home to be: a place of respite.  And I want to both provide respite for Donna and receive it myself when I come back home after a trip to see Daddy.  I felt like I was almost there.  'Respite' was closer to my heart than 'Rest'...but still not quite the right word.

During my early January devotional reading the temptation was to choose the most often repeated word: Freedom.  It kind of fit since our Spring Women's Bible Study is Breaking Free.  And I am a July 5th baby!  But, no, still not it.

Finally, I was writing in my prayer journal about the word 'respite' being so close but just not quite it, when I looked down to discover I had used the word 'Refreshed'.  When I looked up the meaning and searched it's use in Scripture, I just knew that I finally had My One Word.  I'm not sure which tense it will take over the course of this year...Refresh, Refreshed or Refreshing...I've tried them all on for size and decided that I just don't have to know everything from the beginning.  I will begin with the singular and see where God moves in the 332 remaining days of 2015.

How about you?  Have you chosen a word for 2015? Set a goal?  Made a resolution?  I would love to hear how you reached your decision and how things are going for you.

2014: A Year of Wholehearted Living

Happy New Year!



Jim and I are enjoying a few days visiting with his parents here in Pocahontus, Arkansas. The weather is a bit cooler than back home, but it is not too bad. We have spent most of today watching college football. Though a quick trip to Walmart was needed earlier this morning. Tomorrow we will finish our Christmas shopping and then open gifts with Paul, Sharon and family in the evening. We have two new nieces who are in desperate need of some spoiling. Saturday will be a kickback day and then we will leave Sunday morning to visit Daddy and Donna.



I have been thinking a lot about my One Word these past few weeks.



If you recall, back in January I chose the word 'wholehearted' to be my touchstone for 2014. As I have considered its effect on my life, I have come to realize that 'wholehearted' living is a process that will probably continue for the rest of my life. Yeah, yeah...I know I said that in my post on January 6, 2014, but now I am really beginning to understand.



It's been a year since I began considering what a wholehearted life looked like. First God showed me what it does not look like. It is not hollow but hallowed. Then He sent me to attend Beth Moore's last Tuesday night Bible study series at Houston's First Baptist, Breath. I was reminded anew that He wanted me to walk by and be filled with His Spirit. (The study should be out soon -- I highly recommend it!). The second thing He showed me was how selfish I had become of my time. Then He gave me the opportunity to begin regularly serving the women of our church through leading a midweek Women's Bible Study. We had eight ladies show up for dinner and to study Kelly Minter's Nehemiah. Finally, He began showing how little I ask Him for. When the reality of Daddy's health issues hit me, The Lord gently whispered 'what do you want?' It was then (in a deer stand of all the holy places in the world) that I realized how I had been guarding my heart...not living wholehearted. I poured out the desires of my heart to Him. I asked for big numbers and great details. Then, a still small voice asked, 'do you trust me?' The next day, when we received news from the oncologist that there was to be no new treatments because they wouldn't bring more time or remission...there was peace. Sadness too, but I knew that I could trust the God who had written all of my Daddy's days in a book when as yet there was not one of them. I had shared my whole heart with Him and accepted that His ways are not my ways....but they are good. He is good.



And so, I share with you a quote from my devotional reading yesterday that summarizes my year of Wholehearted Living from Come Let Us Adore Him by Jean Wise:



God heals the shattered pieces of our hopes and dreams. He fashions peace from the ruins of our battles. He repairs our individual fractures, thus healing the entire world...After all, He is the expert in moving pieces to peace and holes to wholeness.



Yes, I will always have pieces and holes on this side of eternity. May they grow fewer though as He replaces them with peace and wholeness....my One Words for 2013 & 2014. Coincidence? I think not.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

It's All In The Journey

This post was written on November 12th and for whatever reason, was never posted. Though the date above says November 12, I am hitting publish on December 31. There is now more to the story which I will post soon.

Yesterday morning as I drove in to work, I was listening to a short audio book by Anne Lamott when I heard a quote that stuck in my head and heart.

"We're all just walking each other home."  

Ram Dass - As quoted in Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair by Anne Lamott

I'd never heard of the original author of that quote before yesterday and am totally unfamiliar with his theology. (Though a quick internet search leads me to believe that it is not the same as mine.) However, when I think on that quote, line it up beside one of my life verses (Romans 12:15) and consider the ministry that the Lord has called me to...it speaks to a deep longing in my soul.



I find myself in a very tender place with the Lord these days. He is teaching me to open myself up to Him more fully, to ask Him for the desires of my heart, and more importantly, to trust Him with the answers.  I know that sounds elementary to a lot of people.  It would have sounded that way to me just a few short months ago.



Then, in early September, Jim and I made a trip back to Arkansas to work on the family deer lease.  It was supposed to be a long weekend filled with tree trimming, relocating deer stands and the like.  Unbeknownst to us, the Lord had ordained our trip to coincide with my dad being diagnosed with a metastatic melanoma on his brain.  Our long weekend turned into a week filled with waiting, tests, doctor's appointments, more waiting, and a little tree trimming thrown in for good measure (AKA stress relief).



We didn't just decide to stay the week, it sort of unfolded day by day.  We packed our bags at least three different times to head home. But the Lord was gracious and He either impressed on us that we were not to leave yet or He sent the newest bits of information just before we were to pull out.



The rest of September is a blur for me.  I spent a lot of hours driving back and forth between Waller and Little Rock.  First there were the appointments with his oncologist, followed by ones with the radiologist, and finally a surgeon.  The next trip was for surgery itself, which went so wonderfully that God Himself had to have been in that room.  We were prepared for a long recovery IF daddy woke up. (The tumor was located on the area of the brain which causes you to wake.)  Instead, we were talking to him within an hour.



He had massive radiation in October and his health is still not as stabilized as we would like. The oncologist thinks he is too weak for the chemo right now...so we wait. And we hope.  But mostly, we pray.  Openly. Honestly. We plead for healing and mercy and strength...because really, there is nothing that we can do to change any of it.



One week he sounds strong and nearly back to his old self.  The next, he is weak and tired as he struggles to just feel 'better'.



Please don't take this the wrong way. I am not ready to walk my daddy home. He's not ready to be walked there either. Heavens, he is only 69 years young!



But, in other ways, we are all doing this every single day.  As we build memories, share burdens and joys, listen to one another's hearts and simply 'do life' together...we are walking each other home. We are being the hands and feet of Christ to those He has brought into our lives. As we laugh, cry, and sit in silence together, we are moving a little closer to home.



I, for one, am grateful for the journey...and I am glad for the companionship offered by each of you, my fellow sojourners!

In Loving Memory

Sometimes you just know that The Lord is loving on you. This weekend has been one of those times.

Bri sent me a message on Friday morning asking if we would be home on Saturday. I responded, letting her know that we had a day trip planned and wouldn't be back until late. I found out later that her and Meagan had been thinking about coming over but would wait for another time.

At the time of her message I had not yet connected the dots between the request and the date on the calendar.

Fast forward to Saturday morning when our plans fell through at the last minute and I sent Bri a message letting her know that we would be home after all. Jim and I ran by the grocery store and picked up some ribs to cook...even if it turned out to just be us at dinner.

The day's agenda quickly changed from a day trip to an afternoon at home with Bri, Meagan, Derrick, the kids, Will and his girlfriend, Taylor. We grilled, visited on the back deck and taught Davin how to catch catfish from the pond in a dip net.

Meagan and I also had an opportunity to share our desires to honor Desi's short life in some way that we couldn't quite explain...but knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was stirring in our hearts. It wasn't a long conversation. Or even a particularly sad conversation. Just a few minutes of speaking from our secret places.

At the end of the evening, when Meagan and Derrick packed up the family and Bri loaded up the grand dogs, Jim and I looked at each other and said, "this is how today was meant to be". It was good and we were thankful.

During Worship service this morning, I was thinking of Desi and our conversation the night before when the Pastor shared the following verses:


13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
when I was made in the secret place,
when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
all the days ordained for me were written in your book
before one of them came to be.Psalm 139: 13-16

Immediately following the reading of the Scripture, our Worship leader spoke of friends of his who had lost two precious babies and their testimony of the goodness and faithfulness of God in spite of their great loss.

This launched us immediately into the song that has become an anthem for our family since that fateful day three years ago, "Blessed Be Your Name".

Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
Between the thoughts already on my heart, the verses that we have held on to regarding Desi's purpose, the testimony of others suffering this kind of loss, similar losses in families we know and love, and that song which moves me to tears on its own...well, I lost it. Right there in front everyone. Not so much because of the grief and pain...but because I knew in that moment that:
He has not forgotten me.
I am seen by Him.
I am loved.
And He is faithful!

Blessed be His name!!!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

How Did It Get To Be August Already???

Seriously.  How did it happen?

I cannot believe it has been EXACTLY three months since I even posted here.  THREE!  And it's not like we haven't had any news to share.

In the past three months we have:

• celebrated my niece, Jana's engagement
• helped host a Mother's Day Variety Show at church
• traveled to South Africa 
• celebrated our 33rd anniversary
• welcomed another grandchild into the family
• adopted two puppies
• attended a fire sprinkler conference
• celebrated Father's Day with the family
• attended a Swim Party at Robin's 
• turned 50 (Fonda)
• thrown a big surprise party (for Fonda)
• been surprised by my Girlfriends with another night out to celebrate
• celebrated Bri's 25th birthday
• enjoyed a visit from my mother
• attended 'Godspell' with some of the ladies from church
• spent a few days on Galveston Island with the grands
• visited with friends at a welcome home party
• celebrated a 70th birthday with sweet Mrs. Linda from church
• attended a swim party honoring Davin's 7th birthday

and other odds and ends like appointments with doctors, dentists, vets, stylist; lunches and dinners with friends and family...etc. etc.

Okay.  I guess now I understand why it has been three months since I last posted here.

And so I will wrap up this post with a whole lot of cuteness to forgive my long absence.

Our precious miracle baby, Dayton Everett Rodgers.  

Pappaw deemed him to be 'Everett' upon first holding him.

He was born the day after Jim and I returned from South Africa...which also happened to be our anniversary.  The last two weeks of the pregnancy were wrought with tension over his health.  Upon delivery they found that he had the same knot in his umbilical cord that took our sweet Desi from us three years ago today.  Though he was a bit small, 6 pounds & 9 ounces, 20" long...he is healthy and perfect.  The best anniversary gift we ever received.

What a happy face!

This is a picture that his mother sent to me this morning.  His first 'captured' smile.  The sweetest thing ever!

I'll be back soon with pictures and stories from our other Adventures In Goode Time!

If you think about it, would you please lift up Meagan, Derrick and family as they remember Desi over the next week.  The anniversary of her delivery day is tomorrow and the anniversary of her burial is the 9th.  I appreciate each of you who have prayed for and supported our family through this life long sense of loss.  

The Gift of a Memory

I think I've mentioned here a time or twenty that I have a really bad memory.  It is one of the reasons that I started this blog.

Don't worry, I haven't been diagnosed with anything.  It is just that with five children and now six grandchildren, sometimes events run together for me.  So I record them here so that I can refresh my memory from time to time.

BUT...there is one memory indelibly lodged in my mind.

It was the summer of 1978...June to be exact.

My mom worked at Boyd & Nichol's General Store in Fountain Hill, Arkansas.  She was a butcher there at the time.  (This was before she started nursing school.)

Boyd & Nichols was a true general store.  About half of it was groceries, but the other half had anything you could imagine...shoes, overalls, tools, implements, farm supplies.  ANYTHING!

During this one week in June of 1978, I was offered the temporary job of sacking groceries.  You see, the regular 'sacker' was out of town for the week attending FFA camp.  (Future Farmers of America...though I believe he works for the Ashley County Sheriff's Department today, not on a farm.  But I digress.)

So, this was my first paying job.  A one-week stint at sacking groceries at a general store.  I was quite excited by the prospect of earning my own money...and even more excited that it was a one week only job because, really, who wants their entire summer interrupted by work?  (Oh, the irony of wasted youth.)

I really can't tell you much about that whole week.  I don't know how many sacks I filled and carried out or how much time I spent stocking shelves.

BUT...right around lunch time on my last day (Saturday) I had an experience that I have never forgotten.

I had sacked groceries for a woman and was carrying them to her car just out front of the store.  As I approached the car I noticed two boys with her.  I'm sure they were not with her in the store...but they seemed to have miraculously appeared as we walked toward the car.

One of them was a few years younger then me, very talkative and friendly.  The other one looked near my age and was quite handsome.  The older brother opened the back door of the car for me as I moved the groceries from the shopping cart to the backseat.  I remember giving him a hard time about letting me, a girl, do the heavy lifting of a very large bag of dog food.  And then, he closed the door, walked around the car, climbed into the driver's seat and was gone.

I'm sure it was a scene that had played out several times with many different people throughout that week's worth of work.  But for some reason I never forgot his face, the way he spoke or his reserved friendliness.

Fast forward just short of two years when I met him again and learned his name.  Jim.  Jim Goode.  Yeah, the one I have been married to for almost 33 years now.  (Our anniversary is next month.)

I've always wondered why THAT memory remained so vivid to me for all that time.  (Admit it, two years is a long time when you are a young girl.)  And why it still remains so rich today.

But earlier this week I was reading Melanie Shankle's book "The Antelope in the Living Room" and I came across this quote which just really says it all for me.

"It's shocking the things I don't remember from college, but I remember every minute of that first meeting. I remember what he said and what he prayed, and looking back, I think it was God's gift to me because he knew this man was going to be my husband and there were things I'd want to remember."

Melanie Shankle AKA Big Mama
"The Antelope in the Living Room"

That crystal clear memory from 1978 was a gift from God for me...because He knew I would want to remember it.  He knew it would be a treasure for my heart.

Oh, and the reason I bought the book?  (Aside from the fact that I have loved her blog for years.)  Did you see that kudu mount on the cover?  Yeah, I have a similar one hanging in my living room right now.  Only ours has a blue wildebeest right across the room to match.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

March Recap

What I did: (Warning -- March is a CRAZY BUSY month around here!)

• 1st - Went to MainStreet America and toured houses with my honey.  We walked and talked and dreamed...and realized that we want to pursue building our dream house soon.
• 4th - Mardi Gras/Fat Tuesday at the office.  We enjoyed a big lunch of red beans and rice with Haydel's Cream Cheese King Cake for dessert.  YUM!
• 4th - Also the last night of the Tuesday Night Bible Study with Beth Moore.  Powerful!  Moving! And though I am sad to see it end, I pray that the Lord does an even mightier work through her teaching in the future.  Whatever form and wherever that may be.
• 6th - Ladies Night Out at Rodeo Houston with Reba 

  

  The Ladies with our driver, David.
  Jenn, Mary, Annabel, Robin, David, Stacy, Teri and myself.
  Stacy's mom, Nancy, was taking the photo.

• 8th - Stacy's 50th Birthday Celebration  

  

  Jim, Robin and I surprised Stacy for her 50th birthday with dinner and an evening out on the town.  Oh the stories that we could tell...but won't.

• 11th - Girl's Night Out at Rodeo Houston with Jason Aldean.  

  

  Alison, Stacy, Robin, myself, Kim, Bri and Josh...the lone male to brave a limo full of ladies.

   Meet and Greet, Baby!  

  

  Me with Jason Aldean!
  He has been one of my favorites for years.
  Love his music.

• 13th - Wine Garden and Shopping Day at Rodeo Houston.  Great time with dear friends, and, oh we also saw Maroon 5.  I didn't realize how many of their songs I had heard before.  (And I got my boots shined for the first time!  They look better than new!)

  

  Robin and I at the Rodeo Houston Uncorked Wine Garden before seeing Maroon 5.  We bought some really cute dresses that I am sure you will see before this post is over.

• 16th - Family Dinner at Alicia's with most of the family because our Number One Son finally came home for a visit!  Yay!  We have missed him.
• 17th - Saint Patrick's Day at Rodeo Houston with Luke Bryan  

  

  Stacy, me, Robin and Kelley dropping green chicken feathers all over Houston!

• 20th - Night Out with My Girls at Rodeo Houston with Blake Shelton (minus Kelli who couldn't go at the last minute).

Meagan, Bri and I waiting for the Rodeo to begin. (And this is one of those really cute dresses I told you about earlier.
Not pictured is Kim, Chelsea and Dina who rounded out our group for the evening.

• 24th - Table of Grace with dear friends who give some of the greatest advice EVER!
• 29th - Luncheon at our house with the Ladies of Fellowship at Field Store. We had a great time, even though I was so behind with getting Jim out the door to his turkey hunt that the first arrivals graciously offered to help toss salads and make sandwiches.

What I learned:

1. Listening to the Holy Spirit's promptings can be scary...and oh so rewarding!
2. Sometimes your input into a situation can bring about a great collaboration.  So, humbly express your ideas and share past experiences that pertain to the situation.

What I listened to:

• Still listening to Casting Crowns "Thrive"...but now I'm partial to "This Is Now".  It is the story of Peter through his own comparison of his life before and after the denial.  Oh, how I relate!
• Luke Bryan's "Crash My Party" -- My favorite is 'Play It Again'.

What I read:

1. "The Rest of God: Restoring Your Soul by Restoring Sabbath" by Mark Buchanan.  This book was highly recommended at the Women of Faith: Unwrap the Bible Conference I attended in February. And since I had just finished listening to 'Wonderstruck' by Margaret Feinberg where she lit a fire in my heart regarding Sabbath...I figured I had better pick it up.  And, OH MY GOODNESS, did the Lord ever have a holy laugh over me when I picked up the Sunday School book on March 30th to prepare for the next week's lesson on Sabbath!  His timing is impeccable.
2. Matthew - (most of) John for the Lent Challenge.

I know this is really late, but we are without Internet at home again and work has been so busy that I hadn't taken the time to update on the last few events of March.  I would love to hear what is going on in your life today.

February Recap

What I did:

• 1st -Meagan's surprise 30th birthday party with the family

  

  Derrick got her pretty good!

• 2nd - Super Bowl Party at the Lozano's new Man Cave
• 8th - Maddux's 5th birthday party  

Pappaw and I got a big thumbs up for the Lego Movie video game gift!

• 14th - Valentine's Dinner with My Hero 

  

  My gorgeous roses...and delicious Dove chocolates!
  My treat to him was a dinner out...but only ten minutes from home.
  He LOVED it!

• 15th-18th  Grandma's Gone Wild: Texas Edition 

  

  Stacy, 'Guillermo', Robin and I at Becker Farms Vineyard
  We had a great time on the wine tasting tour!

• 21st & 22nd  Women of Faith: Unwrap the Bible -- Ladies Retreat with the church (Didn't take a single picture...but it was great.  Beth Moore, Lisa Harper, Priscilla Shirer, Shelia Walsh, & Christine Caine all in less than twenty-four hours = mind blowing experience with the Lord.)
• 24th - Table of Grace: Dinner at Zoe's Kitchen

What I Learned:

1. A self-cleaning oven REALLY DOES self clean!!!  Thank you, honey, for the wonderful Christmas gift.  I like it even better now!
2. Sometimes, when one wants to go by the prime planting dates on the Farmer's Almanac, one totally misses out on cold weather planting.  There was a winter weather warning in effect on each and every one of them!
3. I like semi-sweet red wines even more than the sweet whites.  Who would have thunk it?
4. And the ports!  Oh, the ports!
5. Sometimes you just need to have dinner with your girlfriends and wait for mundane topics like bill paying to CHANGE YOUR LIFE!  Thanks, Leesa, for sharing something that is second nature for you but set me free!
6. To copy photos to a new folder: right click on photo, press copy then right click in the folder you want to copy in and press paste.  I know that sounds simple but I had to have Cristina come in and show me how because I have a newer version of windows than I am used to.

What I Listened To:

• "A Death In Vienna" (Gabriel Allon Series #4) by Daniel Silva (Audiobook) -- When a bomb explodes in Vienna at the office of Wartime Claims and Inquiries, Gabriel finds himself to face to face with a figure that seems a bit too familiar.  Secrets are exposed that date back to the death march from the Nazi prison camps...and the pieces of the puzzle fall into place as Gabriel figures out where he has seen that face before.  This one was not my favorite in the series...but it is still worth the time.
• "Prince of Fire" (Gabriel Allon Series #5) by Daniel Silva (Audiobook)  A bomb blast at the Israeli embassy in Rome leads to an encrypted file that identifies the famed art restorer Mario Delvecchio to be none other than sometime spy, Gabriel Allon. And the game is on...but exactly who is being hunted?  A wonderfully written story based upon a photo from the 70's of a young boy sitting on the lap of Yasser Arafat after the funeral of the boy's father. This story had great character development and had you sympathetic towards both sides of the Israeli/Palestinian conflict...where terror is an everyday occurrence.  This may very well be my second favorite Gabriel Allon book in the series after "The English Girl".
• Casting Crowns "Thrive" -- The whole album is good.  But the song that is speaking to my heart these days is "All You've Ever Wanted".  With a line like "I was chasing healing when I'd been made well; I was fighting battles when You conquered hell; Living free but from a prison cell: Lord I lay it down today" in the year of Wholehearted living...well, what more can I say?  I'm still listening to it!

What I Read:

1. I finished "An Unexpected Guest: A Novel" by Anne Korkeakivi.  From the book jacket: Clare Moorhouse, the American wife of a high-ranking diplomat in Paris, is arranging an official dinner crucial to her husband's career. As she shops for fresh stalks of asparagus and works out the menu and seating arrangements, her day is complicated by the unexpected arrival of her son and a random encounter with a Turkish man, whom she discovers is a suspected terrorist. More unnerving is a recurring face in the crowd, one that belonged to another, darker era of her life. One she never expected to see again. I couldn't quite connect with Clare.  She did things that just did not make sense to me...like hiding her son from her husband when the son ran away from his boarding school.  The story takes place in a twenty-four hour period and she is super busy with all the plans for a dinner that may mean a ambassadorship for her husband.  Clare seems to think she is 'helping' by not addressing the problems, but as the day goes on things just get more and more complicated.  Still, I enjoyed the book in spurts and starts, so I'm glad I read it.  It is just that Clare mystifies me.
2. "Chasing God" by Angie Smith --This book!  Oh my goodness, this book!  You have probably read stuff like it before.  But the way she communicates her journey from 'chasing God' to 'following Him' was as if we were sitting across the table from one another over coffee or lunch.  This book spoke volumes into my quest for wholeheartedness in 2014.  I will be reading it a little slower next time...probably with pen in hand.  But this first time through, I just needed to hear more and more of it while affirming a hearty 'amen' in my soul.  (And just in case you haven't yet seen the theme in my life these days...this is the book form of the song I mentioned above.)

January Recap

What I Did:

• Spent the New Year's visiting with Memaw, Poppy, Paul, Sharon, Casey and the girls.
• Traveled to Bossier City to spend a few days with some of my favorite people: 

  

  'The Jenkins Girls': Live from Margaritaville
  (Kristy, Dana, Rosa and Me)
  All dressed up and ready to go see Jason Aldean and George Strait.

• Celebrated Will's birthday
• Attended 'Uptown Swirl' in Brenham with Brianne and Chelsea 

  

  Our favorite wine of the evening...we had to improvise a little as they were out of tickets when we arrived.  But we still had a wonderful evening.

• Started Tuesday Night Bible Study with Beth Moore (Really looking forward to this study!)
• Endured the Great Houston Ice Storm of 2014 

  

  Photo c/o Facebook

• Celebrated Robin's birthday
• Endured the Great Houston Ice Storm of 2014: Round 2 (no ice this time, thank goodness)
• Met with Tino of TG Safaris to finalize our plans for South Africa later this spring.  (So Excited!)

What I Learned:

1. When I am stressed (whether business or personal related), I forget the wonder of creating, especially here on the blog.  Great ideas come but I don't take the time to relish them...much less to record them.  NOTE TO SELF: Write on the blog at least once a week, even if you don't feel it.  The feeling will come later.
2. Sometimes You Tube is a better source of information on an artist than their own websites.
3. People are not very accommodating of the handicapped -- even in handicapped designated areas.  NOTE TO SELF: Be patient when trying to get around in a crowd...especially of those needing walkers, wheelchairs or just an extra shoulder to lean on.

What I Listened To:

• "Wonderstruck: Awaken To The Nearness of God" by Margaret Feinberg (Audiobook) -- actually, I am listening to it AGAIN.  It is that good.  Her prose wraps warm around my heart and draws me in to really listen as she uses illustrations from her own life to document her journey to being 'Wonderstruck' with God.  (Remember that quote I shared with you a couple of weeks ago?)
• "Radical: Taking Back Your Faith From the American Dream" by David Platt (Audiobook) -- Okay, I admit that I have been avoiding this one like the plague.  But when a trusted friend told me how much this book was affecting her life...I agreed to give it a listen.  I may have been a bit predisposed to find criticism with it as the first few discs had me mostly 'disturbed' by my perception of legalism.  However, by disc 3 I was able to agree more than disagree...and when I heard the author's heart at the very end, I could more easily swallow some of his earlier comments.  Maybe that is why my friend listened to this twice.  If I had heard his heart in the beginning, I don't think his comments would have sounded so critical or legalistic.
• "Raised On It" performed by Sam Hunt -- this song so speaks to me right now.  I turn it up LOUD when driving in the truck.  And I may or may not have been seen throwing my hands up in the air as I sang along.  This just may be my 'summertime' song for 2014.

What I Read:

1. "Whispers of Hope: 10 Weeks of Devotional Prayer" by Beth Moore -- I'm only on Day 19 and the challenge to pray according to the PRAISE format has been difficult for me.  But I will persevere!  I decided this year to purchase several shorter devotionals rather than a year-long contained in one book.  There are a lot of one-, two- and three-month plans out there.  And well, Beth?  Who could go wrong with Beth?  She is one of my favorite teachers.  I am taking her challenge to PRAISE seriously, but last Sunday I had to grab my journal and write a prayer out in longhand.  It had just been too long and my heart was too full!
2. "An Unexpected Guest: A Novel" by Anne Korkeakivi -- Technically, I'm not finished reading this one yet.  Three chapters to go.  It is an easy read and interesting enough that I can remember the characters even though I am reading it in stops and spurts due to various distractions.

So how was your January?  Anything interesting I should add to my lists.

Winding My Way To WHOLEhearted Living

Little did I know two weeks ago where this "Wholehearted" journey was going to take me.

Little do I know now what winding roads still await me in 2014...perhaps beyond.

While I recognized from the beginning that it was a 'scary' word, --a 'vulnerable' word, --perhaps even an 'impossible' word; I was still looking at it through rose-colored glasses.

I imagined being better able to embrace a healthy lifestyle because I was 'wholeheartedly' committed to my health.  I would spend more time soaking in the simple beauties that surround me because I was 'wholeheartedly' content.  I dreamed of being able to walk into any social setting secure in my worth because I was 'wholeheartedly' being the Fonda that God created me to be.

I worked at assigning each of Brene Brown's ten guideposts from the book "The Gifts of Imperfection"  their own month to be my focus.  (I figured there would be a few that may need more than a month's worth of focus.)

I ordered a custom made bracelet to wear as a reminder.  I researched other possible texts that might prove useful during the year to come.  I outlined and prepared.  Little did I know that the Lord was even busier at His work of preparing my heart.

I should have guessed it when I wiped clean Ann Spangler's quote defining 'Shalom' from my kitchen chalkboard and replaced it with this....




You see, even though I am 'scheduled' to be "Cultivating Authenticity" (according to my plans), the Lord has been revealing my lack of WHOLEness in heart.

He has revealed dead places -- areas where I need the God of creation to breathe new life into me.

He has revealed empty spaces -- areas where I need the Holy Spirit to come and fill me with His presence.

He has revealed heart wounds that remain infected -- areas where I need the blood of the Lord Jesus Christ to wash me clean and replace the decay with healing.

He has revealed to me that I cannot begin LIVING wholehearted until He has transformed me into BEING wholehearted.

Perhaps that is why a quote from Margaret Feinberg's audio-book, "Wonderstruck", grabbed me during my daily commute.  It took my breath so soundly that I didn't just jot it down on a scrap of paper, but I looked it up later to make sure that I had recorded it correctly.  It captivated my mind so wondrously that I felt compelled to inscribe a part of it on a snowy backdrop to share with you here on the blog.

So much symbolism of where I am right now!
And I created this picture BEFORE I realized any of it.

This is my heart's cry right now.  Yes, I want to live Wholehearted in 2014...in every area of my life.  But even more...right now, I want to BE WHOLEhearted.  Fully alive. Filled with Him.  Healthy in heart.  Able to honestly sing at the top of my lungs, "If ever I loved Thee; My Jesus, 'tis now."!

My One Word For 2014

Wholehearted

1. completely and sincerely devoted, determined, or enthusiastic

2. marked by complete earnest commitment: free from from all reserve or hesitation

adjective: having or showing no doubt or uncertainty about doing something, supporting someone, etc.

Merriam Webster online dictionary

It's a scary word, isn't it?  

It's a vulnerable word.  

It's an impossible word.

It's my One Word.

I didn't choose it. 

It chose me.

I heard it in Jeremiah 29:13 "...search for Me with all your heart."

I heard it in the words of my devotional..."In early adulthood my heart needed healing.  I knew God.  I served Him, but I ached for release...in my growing desire to please the Father, I realized I did not harbor a love for His Word.  I began asking Him to develop such a love within me.  As He did, something I never expected happened to me.  My heart began to heal.  I knew I was healthier.  I felt it.  I didn't begin studying God's Word so I could become whole, but I soon discovered that the more I sought His counsel, the more I healed."   (Taken from 'Whispers of Hope' by Beth Moore, published 2013, page 14)

I heard it as I prepared to teach Romans 7 in Sunday School this morning.  As the writer of the material asked the questions, "Who can put me out of this misery?  Who can rescue me from this body of death?"  His answer: "Only Jesus.  Only Jesus.  Only Jesus."  Talk about wholehearted living! 

Oh yeah, and when I got home and looked on my nightstand there lay a little book I've been meaning to read by Brene Brown.  "The Gifts of Imperfection: Letting Go of Who You think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are"...and just after that title is one little line, 'Your Guide to a Wholehearted Life'.

She is the one who gave me the courage to share my One Word with y'all.  Two simple but profound sentences.

"Wholehearted living is not a onetime choice.  

It is a process."

Page 1

The Free Dictionary defines wholehearted as 'marked by unconditional commitment, unstinting devotion, or unreserved enthusiasm'.

In 359 days, when 2014 comes to a close, I want to be marked by Jesus.  I want my marriage to be marked by Jesus.  I want my relationships to be marked by Jesus.  I want my body to be marked by Jesus.

Just as I didn't live every day of 2013 experiencing 'shalom', I know that I will fall short (probably more times than not) in my goal to live 'wholehearted'.  But maybe having it in front of me will act as a reminder that it is possible.

The online Thesaurus says the antonyms of wholehearted are 'disinterested, insincere, unenthusiastic, halfhearted'.

I hope that these words become less and less a description of me...and that instead I learn to live with true courage, compassion and connection.

To Him be the glory if I am able to live even one wholehearted day before God and man!