Last Friday morning, I sat on the back deck and recorded in my prayer journal a struggle I was having with myself. I really wanted to spend time with friends of mine this weekend while Jim was scheduled to be out of town on a motorcycle trip. However, I also felt that I needed to be around for the kids...especially Brian, who has prom on Saturday night. I was feeling overwhelmed by the thought of doing it all and I hadn't even made plans yet!
I recorded the following words as I cried out to the Lord:
Father, You know that I desire to see...friends...Yet, I feel like I am overloading myself if I schedule...Help me to be sensitive to Your leading. You are the only one that knows what next week will really be like for me.
I had no idea how those words would come back to impact me today. You see, Jim is no longer going on the motorcycle ride because I have developed a medical condition that has not only impacted the plans I wanted to make for the weekend but also caused me to cancel plans I had for dinner with friends last night.
I will undergo a day surgery procedure next Tuesday morning. I have been freaking out a little bit since I found out yesterday. I have never undergone anesthesia before. Actually, I have only been in the hospital six times in my whole life -- pneumonia when I was in elementary school and the birth of our five children.
Right now I am trying to remember that not only has the Lord gone before me this week as He influenced me not to make those plans for the weekend...but He has gone before me into next week as well. He knows the plans He has for me...and I want to hold tightly to that truth.
As if He had not been gracious enough to begin preparing me last Friday for this week's trials...today, He gave me this in my devotional:
The way to peace and victory is to accept every circumstance and every trial as being straight from the hand of our loving Father...and to look...on our circumstances as being lovingly and divinely appointed. (From Streams in the Desert)
May you feel His loving touch this week. And if you think of me, please pray that I would experience His peace between now and next Tuesday.
7 comments:
When I had my shoulder surgery back in December of 2005, I was way more nervous than anyone around me would have guessed. I was much like you in that I'd never really spent any time in a hospital. I'd never broken any bones when I was a child; heck, I never even had to get stitches.
I have to tell you that I have absolutely ZERO memory of my surgery. I remember being wheeled into the operating room. I remember the anesthesiologist talking to me about how he wanted me to get my oxygen levels up high before he put me under. I remember my surgeon leaning over me and telling me he'd see me on the other side. I remember looking over at the clock that was high on the wall. I remember it was 12:15. I remember the mask being put over my face. I remember taking a couple of deep breaths (to get that oxygen saturation up).
There was a sudden change of scene...much like a movie edit.
I remember feeling a dull pain in my shoulder. I remember looking back at the wall clock. I remember it was 3:00.
Last year, not too long after we got to Charleston, I had to get a colonoscopy. I remember being in the little room where the procedure would take place. I remember turning over onto my left side and positioning my right leg as they requested. I remember seeing the counter with the cabinets and drawers present in just about every medical room. I remember the doctor saying, "Okay, let's get started."
There was a sudden change of scene...much like a movie edit.
I remember seeing a cinder block wall where there used to be the cabinets and drawers.
Honestly, in both cases, I have absolutely no memory of what was being done to me; I have absolutely zero recollection of the passage of time.
I will admit that there was some pain and discomfort associated with the shoulder surgery, but that was afterwards and I had great drugs to help out!
You're in my prayers during this stressful time. Nothing anyone can say will make you stop worrying. I won't pretend that my experience will take the anxiety from you. The only thing I can offer is a command from our Lord found at the 10th verse of the 41st chapter of Isaiah:
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
Yes Doug is so right Fonda when I was going through difficult times a friend of mine told me to write all the uplifting verses I could find down in a small tablet. I carried that tablet so many places even on kitchen cabinet. Isa.41:10 has brought me through so much. There is so much peace in His words.
The word of the Lord stands forever.
"Roosevelt always said we have nothing to fear but fear itself."
fear not,for I am with you,be not dismayed,for I am your God:
I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.
Isa.41:10
Hold on to that. I understand the fear of surgery I really do.
And the peace of God,which passes all understanding,will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Love
Thank you Fonda this devotional helped me I know you will be o.k.
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace.
You will feel His peace.
Thanks, guys! Would you believe I have had Isaiah 41:10 framed and sitting on my desk for the past three years? God is so good!
And Doug, It really does me good to hear the real behind the scenes perspective. At least now I have something to help me prepare for what it will be like.
This is so Cool! Well your desk has not had fear for three years...
It is true all you remember is the ride to O.R. leaning over sometimes they say count then your gone before the numbers get out. You just remember the smiles and scrubbs.
I know that it's scary to be going through something like this. When I had my surgery a few years ago, I was scared to death. But, I was even more scared of the cancer.
Praying and comfort from love ones will help you get through this very anxious times.
I will be thinking and praying for you my friend.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6
Much love & comfort,
~August
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