Monday, September 26, 2011

Lord, I Believe. Help my Unbelief!

"Why?"  My dear friend looked at me from across the table, her eyes filling with sincere tears of empathy.  "Why has God allowed your family to suffer so much?  I just can't understand how He could take a child like that."

We were gathered for a small group Bible study and everyone knew that I had spent the morning at Desi's graveside for her balloon ceremony.   These three women (along with many others) had been earnestly praying for us since this whole nightmare began.

I took a deep breath and searched deep in my heart before replying.  How was I going to 'explain' the loss of our granddaughter at thirty-two weeks of pregnancy?  How could I begin to rationalize the heartbreak that I have witnessed in my daughter's eyes since that fateful August afternoon? 

"I don't know why.  I just have to believe that someday God will be glorified through all of this.  I cannot see His glory right now, but I am beginning to see how He has been preparing me."  I then began to list some of the circumstances that our family had endured over the past few years and how they had helped to equip me during our current trial of loss.

To me, this is one of those BIG QUESTIONS of faith.  You know the ones I'm talking about.   The ones that do not have easy answers.  The ones whose answers sometimes sound simple when spoken BUT are often very difficult to flesh out.

So, imagine my surprise when that very evening, the Lord sent the following words to me during a Ladies Bible study at church.

"God may not always answer our questions, but He will always answer us."  Beloved Disciple by Beth Moore (Video Response Sheet/Group Session 2) 

Beth went on to quote Psalm 65:5, 'You answer us with awesome deeds of righteousness, O God our Saviour."  Notice He doesn't say that He will tell us everything we want to know.  But He moves on our behalf with awesome deed of righteousness.  (Can I get an 'Amen'?)

My thoughts went back to earlier in the video when she spoke about Moses on the mountain with God.  (Exodus 33:21-23)  God set Moses in the cleft of the rock, placed His hand over him and then passed by.  Moses was told that he would not see God's face, but he would be allowed to see His back.

Beth drew a parallel between us and Moses, asking if we had ever considered that it was so dark because God had His hand over us right now.  She went on to add that though we do not get to see His face and know the answers to why right now, perhaps...with time and a little distance...we will be able to see an answer as we gaze upon His back.

I still can't answer my friend's real question.  I don't know why children die before they get the chance to live.  I don't know why this happened to us.  And, in all honesty, I'm not sure that I would be satisfied with the answer if I did know, since it wouldn't bring Desi back.

So, I hold on to the faith that the God who has held us through heartache and loss in the past will hold us now.  I trust that He will work all things together for our good because we love Him and are called according to His purpose.  (See Romans 8:28)

There is a tradition that I have heard practiced in various churches and forms throughout the years.  The Pastor or other leader will stand before the congregation and greet them with the affirmation, "God is good." The congregation will then reply, "all the time!"  More often than not, the Pastor will follow up with the words, "And all the time."  To which God's people declare, "God is good!"  That simple truth, filled with things deeper than my mind can even conceive, is what I find myself clinging to when the answers don't come.

He may not always answer my questions, but He always answers me.  The proof is in the fact that He sent me that very statement...just when I needed it most.

Linking up with Michelle at Graceful for:


Anonymous said...

That's a tough question to answer. There are 2 sides. Was it God that took Desi or Satan? Could God have stopped it? You bet, but sometimes he allows things to happen to us, so we can have a better personal relationship with him.

Meagan is doing a wonderful thing right now by writing her blog and seeking out God to answer some of her questions. Maybe, just maybe somewhere out there she is helping someone that is going through the same thing or maybe she is helping someone to make the decision to keep her baby instead of aborting him/her.

Unfortunately, you just never know why God allows bad things to happen to wonderful people but you do have to trust that He is doing what is right for you.

Love you much,

Christina Klas said...

One of my biggest struggles is waiting for an answer... Waiting for God to do his thing... Instead I need to realize God IS doing - He IS moving - I'm just too busy worrying and wondering to notice.

Thanks for your words and thanks for stopping by.

A Joyful Noise said...

When things like this happens, the verse I fall back on is Deu 29:29 "The secret things belong to the LORD our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our sons forever, that we may observe all the words of this law."
The sad thing is that we will have to WAIT for those secret things to be revealed.

A Joyful Noise said...

Oh yes, I recently wrote a poem that you might enjoy: copy and paste.

Stacy @ Heartprints of God said...

There was a time in my life when I experienced a similiar situation. I kept looking for an answer, begging God for an answer. I thought if I could just understand the "why", I could move past it. One night in desperation I cried out to God, "I don't understand, God! I don't understand!" In my spirit, I heard God speak...

Stacy, you may never understand this. Instead of trying to understand what you don't know, simply STAND on what you DO know. You know me. You know my character, my faithfulness, my love for you. Stand on what you do know. If you don't, if you keep trying to UNDERstand, you're going to keep "going under", drowning in bitterness, anger and despair.

It wasn't the answer I was looking for, but praise God, it was the EXACT answer I needed.

God does answer. I can attest to that!

Great post! I'll be praying for your family as you STAND on WHO God is!


Shaunie @ Up the Sunbeam said...

It IS hard to understand so many things, but so worth the struggle to choose faith anyway! Beautifully written. Praying for your family.

Tina said...

I just want to offer {{{Hugs}}}!
... and prayers!

Michelle DeRusha@Graceful said...

Oh Fonda...I didn't know until now...and I am so very, very sorry about the loss of your precious Desi. I so admire your faith -- you are an incredible example to me and to many others, I'm sure, who wrestle through these questions. My love and prayers go out to you and your family.

B said...

Just got to computer...

"God is good" "all the time"
"And all the time God is good".