Monday, May 28, 2012

Letting The Elephant Out

As you all know, things have been pretty busy around our house lately.  A wedding and prom and school and work and graduations and parties...busy, busy, busy.

But really, I have been spending a lot of time writing about those things because I have been trying to ignore the 'elephant in the room' that would cause me to get "real" around here. 

Sometimes it is just too hard to write about "real" when you are in the middle of it.  I fear saying the wrong thing and unintentionally offending someone...or making a comment that makes me appear to be "doing better" (or worse) than I really am.  I also have a fear of sharing a success with you about something that I am accomplishing only to NEVER do it again.  That is a real one...and it happens to me a lot!

So, here's the truth...the "Real" state of me:
I am making lifestyle changes in order to live healthier AND to lose weight.

Shoo!  That was tough!  My fingers didn't even want to type those words.

This journey actually began back in February.  During Grandmas Trip, I realized that I was shutting down emotionally.  After everything that our family endured the last half of 2011, I battled the consistent feeling of  OVERWHELMED.  So, when I got back home from New York, I made an appointment to begin seeing a counselor.  I have been in his office every two weeks since that first appointment.

That was my first step in trying to live a healthier lifestyle.

In early April I began to spend quite a bit of time thinking about finally trying to lose some weight...but it wasn't until after Bri's wedding that I could actually begin to do the work.  It is not that the wedding was difficult or that I found it a bother, neither of those things are true.  It was just that I had very little emotional energy to invest and I wanted to make sure that she had the wedding of her dreams and that I was fully there to share that time with her.

So, the Monday after the wedding I made up my mind that it was time to invest in Fonda.  I have started keeping a food journal and am attempting to stay under a certain calorie amount.  I have made a pledge to drink the minimum recommended amount of water per day.  I load my plate up with vegetables and watch my carbohydrate intake (mostly because they are so high in calories!)  I try not to indulge in sweets except on a special occasion.  I attempt to work out for 20 minutes each morning before work.  And I try to do at least one thing every week that is just for me -- because I want to do it.

To some people, that might sound like a normal day.  Others may look at it and think that I am not doing enough.  But I am quite aware that my life has to change.  No diets.  No new gym membership.  No complicated resources.  Those things are all well and good and have their place.  I'm not knocking any of them, nor am I saying that I may not decide that I need to implement one or all of those in the future.  It is just that right now I know that I need to keep this simple.  It needs to be something that I feel like I can do...and I need to do it for the rest of my life.

"How is it going?", you ask.

  1. As of last Monday, I have lost five pounds. (3 the first week and one each during weeks 2 & 3 -- too many meals eaten out lately!) 
  2. I am much more flexible.  (I can actually pull my sports bra off without it taking ten minutes and tears to do so!)   Just keeping it real for you. 
  3. I feel lighter in my body and more energetic.  (I've even helped Jim to hoe in the garden a few times lately!)
  4. I am really not hungry most of the time.  (I rarely even eat the allowable snacks each day.)
  5. I have seen more movies in the theatre and gotten more manicures/pedicures than I have in years. 
  6. I have also invested more time in the people in my life who are important to me by inviting them to join me in the adventure. 
The struggles:
  • Eating out for a meal.  (Too many places don't have a menu with nutritional information.)
  • I am an emotional eater, so stress is even more stressful for me these days.  (My only candy in four weeks was after Jim made a comment that made me mad.  {It was Skinny Cow, at least!}
  • Fresh garden vegetables.  Yes, they make it cheaper for me to add those veggies to my plate...but most of them taste best fried!  :-(  Which leads me to one of my biggest struggles.
  • Cooking dinner to satisfy Jim and our two growing boys while still being able to eat it myself and not break the calorie bank.
So, now you know what is really going on with me.  Aren't you so glad you asked?  LOL!

For accountability's sake, I plan to share my journey in a "Weight Loss Wednesday" post each week.  (I can feel the Fear setting in again...what if they don't want to read it?  What if I quit tomorrow?  What if they figure out how much I weigh?)  Goodness, I think too much!

I would love for you to share your 'real' story too.  Oh, and tips on how to overcome those struggles I listed above.  That would be great too!

I love you all!  Thanks for taking the time to read this whole, messy, thought-processing post.  See you again by Wednesday at least!

I have been considering how to write this post since I began to make the lifestyle modifications.  I am still unsure how to handle it and wonder if I will ever actually hit the post button even after typing all of this.  While I wasn't sure what to say (nor am I sure now), some place deep inside of me has set the deadline of 'when' to post at the one month mark.   Memorial Day will be the beginning of my fifth week...and it is my plan that you will all be reading this post at that time.


Anonymous said...

Mrs. Fonda,
You are not alone. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the exact same spot you are in now. I am still in that spot! It definitely makes me feel better reading your post and knowing that I'm not alone either. I totally understand what you mean about not being able to invest completely in it with so many other things going on. I have tried so many times this year to lose weight but I just didn't have enough mental energy to focus on because of all the other things I had to focus on. It is only now that I am out of work that I am really focusing on it. I have little to no time for me just as you wrote. I did recently get a gym membership but not only will it allow me to exercise, it will give me the alone time for me away from kids that I can not get any other time or way. This time around I am also telling myself "Something is better than nothing." Every other time I tried to get healthy, I had the "all or none" attitude. This time I am not doing to deprive myself or guilty. I am going to believe some effort is better than none. 20 minutes of exercise is better than none. 1 cookie is better than 5. You get the picture. :) I wish you much success and look forward to your posts. Maybe, just an idea, some of us battling the same elephant can also do Wednesday posts and we can all be there to read about each other, feel inspired by each other and even encourage each other through our own journeys.


Kelli said...

Mom, I just wanted to tell you that you are doing a great job. Spending last weekend together I could tell a difference not only in the way you look but also in the way you carry yourself. You have the sparkle back in your eyes. I love you so much.

Anonymous said...

Good for you!! I need to take better care of myself but I don't. Everytime I get a manicure (which is about twice a year) I say to myself, I'm going to do this once a month. Same for massages but I haven't had one of those in years.

As far as eating out, go online first. A lot of the websites for major franchises like Wendy's, KFC, etc have the calories of every item posted. A friend of mine keeps fat free cool whip graham cracker sandwiches frozen in her freezer whenever she wants to snack. Skinny Cow is good too. When I lost my weight, I found the Wii Fit worked really good for me. I tried walking, biking, and even the gym but the Wii Fit is where I lost most of my 35 pounds. I need to start it again as my clothes are not fitting like they used to. Good luck and I love you,